Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
