And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
