So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
