What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
