they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
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