the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
