Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
