i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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