I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
40s are totally the cure
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
