How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
