My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
