I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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