Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
