apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
time to smoke my breakfast
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
