Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
