'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
