If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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