Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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