the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
