Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
