we have officially mastered the walk of shame
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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