happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
