You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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