Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
