Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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