Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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