Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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