if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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