I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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