Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i may or may not be watching the land before time
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
