somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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