yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
