btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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