Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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