Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My bed smells like the plague
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