You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
