Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
