Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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