So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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