i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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