WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
