and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
