Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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