ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
