I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
