I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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