real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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