If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
