soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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