It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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