Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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