This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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