the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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