lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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