Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
