Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
