38 yer olds are good kisserssss
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
