yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
