covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
