I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
