just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
