Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
