Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
