i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
