i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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