Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
