yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
