I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
