i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
