I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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