There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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