So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
