i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
