Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
