Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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