yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
They have beer where we have blood.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
