Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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