3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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